There is a very specific look I get from time to time, it starts with the widening of the eyes and the slightest of smiles only to be followed by the most horrible of scowls and eyes like daggers glaring at me. It’s the look you get when someone is trying to place where they know you from before they realise that one of their chums has pointed you out as THAT EVIL PERSON! either in the flesh or via Facebook. I used to get it a lot a few years ago but slightly less so now, obviously the “we hate Chris!” campaign is still going, albeit with less force behind it than there used to be. Me and my big mouth, and my naughty drawing fingers, get me into all sorts of bother. Of course, what I should have done at the time is kept my head down, taken my punishment for… well, just existing I guess and waited patiently for everyone to get bored and go onto the next victim. Of course, me being me, I did the worst thing I could possibly do…. I started to tell (and draw) the truth.
Please note, regardless of what you are taught at primary school, telling the truth is a really, really, really, bad idea. People really don’t like it. I mean really don’t like it. So setting out to redress a toxic situation and telling the truth about who did what and when didn’t go down at all well. The other thing you are misled on at primary school is that doing the right thing is always the best thing to do. What I have discovered with the aid of numerous horrible incidents is this… People don’t want to know if anything illegal is going on, because they might have to do something about it. People don’t want to know if someone has done anything disgusting because they may have to make a choice about how they need to react to them when they see them next. People want to take people at face value, no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary. People want to think that bad things only happen ‘over there’ some place a long way away from them where it isn’t their problem. People will only make a stand if everyone else does too, whether that is for moral support or that it makes them look good if they do it in front of their peer group I’m not sure though. People need to think that they are essentially good and decent people and that they are in the right and they will actually bend the fabric of the universe to make that lie work for them.
Every time something awful happens, from radio one paedophiles, through dead kids under the care of social services, teenagers that run off with their teachers, maltreated pensioners, serial killers, to burning building and sinking ships, there is always an outcry of “why oh why did no one say anything?” Only to find that someone did and probably quite loudly. People don’t know how to react when horrible things are going on, they normalise it and hope it goes away, it usually doesn’t though. People will ignore horrible things, accept horrible behaviour and even applaud disgusting behaviour and still think they are decent people while they collude in awful situations.
Lots of people aren’t good though, in fact, lots of people are complete cunts. Not that it would ever enter their heads to bother checking. I guess that is the difference, I’m constantly worrying if I’m a good person, so much so that I need constant reassurance and some measure of professional help to make sure that I am. It doesn’t help that I’ve had various people tell me I’m not but judging by their actions and histories, there isn’t one of those yet that actually counts. Mind you, it would be horrible to wake up every morning and think… “Fuck me! I am an utterly terrible human being! ” I doubt there are many who would actually do that. There is always an excuse, always a reason, always, always some mitigating circumstance where that behaviour is ok for you and not someone else. The woman who gave me the filthy look today is well know to be a bit of a cow. From numerous reports, an identikit story emerges to the ones that I have heard countless times before. Turned up in town, instantly identifies the ‘right’ people to suck up to, sucks up to them, has glamorous past somewhere else that doesn’t quite ring true but, hey!, neither does anyone else’s. Turns up at the right things, displays the right politics, does the right stuff for charity and before you know it, it’s “Hey! That’s dear old, *********” send your work their way because they are a really nice person. They aren’t really, the entire nice part of their personality is aimed at exactly those they need to impress, as for anyone else though… That’s always the difference, how people treat those of no discernable use. Nice people are nice when they don’t have to be, they are nice when no one us observing them. Plenty of people I know have observed this person not being nice, in fact they have observed her being utterly vile, as they have many of others who like to portray themselves as being wonderful people. I find it hard to comprehend… It costs nothing to be kind, it costs nothing to be polite, it costs nothing to pass a little bit of time with most people. Whether it’s snobbery, bitchiness, a deep seated cruelty, whatever, it seems that some people are incapable of being decent human beings unless there is some payback for them in it.
The thing I discovered is this… Once you realise that horrible people dislike you, it dawns on you that they have no power over you any more, what damage they have done can’t be undone. Plus, because they are invariable vindictive little fuckers, there is no point trying to waste any more energy on being nice to them ever again, what’s done is done. I’m not saying being honest around the kind of people I’m talking about wont get you into trouble, it will, lots of it, but once it done, forget about it and adapt. The incident today, someone pointed me out to her, said “watch out for that one!” It could have been one of a handful of people, all horrible in their own special way, all with an axe to grind. The only way they would have any power over me is if I cared what they thought, which I don’t and they don’t like that. When people only care about being liked and by whom, the easiest way to piss them off is to not care about their opinion because if you refuse to play their game, they have no power over you. All you have to do is to see them for the weak and pathetic creatures that they are and walk away, just walk away and go and do something else instead, preferably something real that needs no attention.
It would be lovely if one day everybody ceased to give these people attention, starve them of the oxygen they crave. A few years ago, the strain I was under from having to deal with all the grief from this shower of shit nearly killed me but now I see them for the sad, pathetic, desperate creatures that they are. The day that everyone else rumbles them hasn’t come yet but it surely will, it’s just a question of time.