Oh to be twenty one again.

My heart sunk on the day the surprise general election was announced not because I suspect my hopes of a Tory free future would be dashed yet again, but because I knew that it would give all the local politically motivated wankers the opportunity to act like even bigger wankers than usual, which is a tough act to follow. 

Probably the most nauseating aspect of all of this has been the frankly toe curling attempt to involve young people in the political process and encourage them to vote. It’s a great idea in principle, except for some slight snags…. The way it is being done and the people doing it. I’m forty six now, coming on forty seven and many of those involved are my age or older. Do you know what I’ve got in common with someone in their late teens or early twenties? The answer is, fuck all! I do my thing, they do theirs and beyond that I am not even remotely interested and, quite frankly, that’s the way it should be. Their world is totally different, their relation with technology , media and culture are different and I do not even pretend to understand it. I have my life, my passions and I am perfectly happy to persue them in the way I have chosen to.

Whether it is a local thing or more widespread, I see more and more adults who try and act like patronising facsimiles of what they imagine kids in their twenties to be like. Doing drugs, drinking too much, being loud, being annoying and generally acting like twats. The other thing they seem to be ever so fond of are the fringe areas of politics, uncomplicated by any sense of practicality or wider responsibility that instant knee jerk reactions to stuff. It seems to be the new mission amongst these mid life crisis having pretend teenagers to get younger people involved in politics. What fails to sink in though is the best way to get younger people involved is to keep the cringy, saddo element well away from them.

Let’s face it, politics is what people do if they are either too talentless or too ugly to try and be pop stars. The whole thing is about power and attention, the getting it and the keeping it. Politics is not cool, never has been, never will and when well meaning old farts try and entice people with music or free stuff, the younger generation smell a big fat dead rotting rat. Frankly, I don’t have a solution to this, and why is that you may ask? BECAUSE I AM AN OVERWEIGHT BALDING MIDDLE-AGED OLD GIT! You want an answer, you find a cool kid, and by cool I don’t mean some spoddy, face like a smacked arse, political student but someone with some seriously hard to find trainers and some clothes I would have to develop terminal cancer before I could even hope to fit in again and even then I wouldn’t because they would look shit on me. Plus by cool, I don’t mean some twat with a giant bee beard because all those fuckers are total sheep or one of those people who think the forties and fifties were anything but a haven for tuberculosis and sexism. I mean, What the fuck planet did you come from? cool. Ask them what will work, not me, I’m smart enough to know I haven’t got a clue and I am not going to patronise anyone by trying.

I figure it’s less that two weeks now til what passes for normality in this sad, sorry, country will be resumed. I doubt I will get through it without any more local political bilge spilling accross my path but I live in hope. That’s all any of us can do.


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