“There’s a bit of warmth in that sun!” I thought that to myself both today and yesterday as I walked along by the sea. The clouds a washing powder advert white floating in a big deep blue sky and the sunlight sparkled off the surface of the sea. I love the feeling that sunlight gives me, it’s almost as good as the first flush of being in love, almost… And like love it can leave you in a right mess is you aren’t careful. I burnt my legs badly a few years back. My first attempt at shorts in half a decade. Three weeks of not walking and legs that wouldn’t look out of place in a zombie movie and another year for the new skin to stretch properly so that I could walk without a limp. It’s one of those things we take for granted, sunshine, not being in love, if you take that for granted you need serious help, it travels 93 million miles and then bounces about, being selectively bounced and absorbed from different surfaces and materials to give us all the colours we can imagine. There is something entrancing about light, animals know it, particularly cats who always find that one spot to sit in or bask probe on their backs, soaking it up. I love those days on the south coast of England where the last hour of sunshine takes on a golden glow before it sets and I adore the sunsets in old industrial towns where the crap in the air works like a billion particulate prisms.
I had an all too different relationship with the sun as a child, from my father’s insistence on family photos being taken whilst it was in our faces. The 70’s and 80’s were the years of the permanent squint according to my family photos. I wish someone had explained to my dad about higher iso film, fill in flash and wider apertures and all that. Then came the teens and twenties, drawing the curtains during the day to watch tv or whilst playing on some games console. Such a waste…
Things got worse as a teenager by going down the goth route. For a while there the sun became the enemy, something shut out by the thickest of curtains after a night down the Catacombs (which was above a pub, go figure!) plus goths never look as good in the daylight, between wilting in the heat under layers of white powder and foundation and all those different shades of black looking a bit charcoal in daylight it made daylight hours a bit tricky.
It’s hard trying to pin down exactly where the switch over happened, perhaps some mid life crisis idea of time running out, or maybe the periods of insomnia which made me relish every second of uninterrupted sleep. I think it is mostly about actually having better things to do that spend my life pratting about every all night.
There were a few things to be said about being up all night, the quiet for one, the lack of interruptions, the weird shit you used to get on the tv in the middle of the night and the total lack of adverts. It was also more conducive to going steadily more and more nuts though as there was no one to talk to and get a better perspective on things.
The most annoying thing at the moment is having to deal with having to now shut the curtains during the day as it is so bloody cold. The choice of winter sunlight and freezing or the pitch black of thermal lined curtains is not a good one.
Hopefully soon there will be a bit more warmth in that sun and it will be my friend again.